


Captain

by forgetmenotjimmy



Series: Moving Parts [2]
Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Best Friends, Danger, Drinking, F/M, Friendship, Jealousy, M/M, Making Out, Nitrogen Narcosis, Omega Mission, Swearing, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-10 00:36:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15279711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetmenotjimmy/pseuds/forgetmenotjimmy
Summary: A companion piece to 'Engineer', exploring Archer's relationship with Trip from his perspective.





	1. Chapter 1

Jonathan Archer never would have thought that it would have been AG of all people who would help him keep the Warp project alive. They had been rivals as long as they’d known each other, elbowing each other – metaphorically and sometimes literally – as they jostled for prime positions. Neither of them backing down or taking their eye off the other, they’d both held a grudging respect for the other’s drive. That hadn’t meant that mutual like had germinated, however. Ironically, coming to blows seemed to have cleared the air between them and they settled into a sharp-tongued friendship.

Derrick Duvall was also a fierce competitor: shorter than Archer, he was built like an ox and had the personality to match. He was quick tempered, never laughed with the others and took perceived slights on his skills very seriously. He’d gotten even more sullen and bullish after the untimely death of his sister.

Monique Duvall, she’d been incredible. Archer had been in awe of her at first; so fiery and high and mighty. Funnily the arrogant attitude worked for her, he’d never ever admired someone who thought highly of themselves before. At first she hadn’t given Archer the time of day, but over time, he’d managed to catch her attention and they’d enjoyed some verbal sparring. He might have asked her out if he wasn’t also jealous that she would be the first Captain to be heading a Warp vessel. She was going to be the first to explore the galaxy, put Humanity on the map.

She’d died too young. Right when she should have been leading them to the next star and beyond that. He hadn’t been there when the _Daedulus_ had been destroyed by its own engine and despite the lack of logic in it, he still felt guilty. Of course he wouldn’t have been able to do anything, he hadn’t been involved at all with the project. Still, the fact that he hadn’t been there and there hadn’t been a body to bury…Sometimes it didn’t feel real. He would be in the hangar and hear a female voice and for a moment, think that Monique was sweeping into the room to bark orders and raise her eyebrows at the hesitant stammering that often resulted. It got easier over time, but his heart still twinged every so often.

The last of their group of pilots: Gardener, was a decent pilot, but he was more interested in shaking hands and greasing wheels than flying. It was clear to Archer that he would do better in an administrative role and he hoped that everyone else would be able to see that; not least the Vulcan advisors. But that was just his opinion.

The three months on suspension passed slowly and so by the time he was let back on Starfleet property Jonathan Archer was chomping at the bit. He met AG on the way in to Headquarters and they went to their first training day back. Walking in to the main hall of the Flight Academy felt like coming home and he was pleased to see some friendly faces greeting them with enthusiasm. It was good that his name had only soured with the brass, not everyone else. And he would work harder than ever to prove his worth to the board who decided appointments to major projects.

After a hard day’s training, he wandered over to the hangar and spotted Jefferies, hurrying over to have an unofficial brief on any progress made by the team in his absence. Jon liked Captain Jefferies; he’d been a close colleague of his father’s and was continuing his father’s work. He was a good man, a fine engineer and he took an interest in Jon for his father’s sake, in his own dour-faced way. The Captain seemed to find his enthusiasm tiresome – as always – but obliged him nonetheless, updating him on the latest developments. Nodding in thanks, Archer began to wonder around the hangar acknowledging various people he recognised in the engineering team. As he reached the end of the room, he had a worrying thought. Where was Tucker? He had worked his way around the whole room, but there was still no sign of the man. Where was he? Had he been reassigned? If he’d considered it earlier, he probably would have shrugged off the idea. Part in the stunt notwithstanding, Tucker was a brilliant engineer and a mere five minutes in his company had proven that to Jonathan. It was unthinkable that he would have been reassigned, or, Jonathan thought to himself worriedly, drummed out of the service because of it. He was about to question Jefferies when the man himself stalked up to him and said baldly.

“He’s on enforced leave.” Stomach plummeting at the implication, Jonathan was about to ask but Jefferies’ continued in an almost-amused tone. “That breakthrough I told you about, it was all him. But it came after he worked double shifts for the last few weeks. I decided to ban him from working another minute to stop him burning himself out.” Relief flooded Archer and it must have shown on his face as Jefferies’ lip twitched and he drawled. “So if you see him anywhere near here, turn him around would you?” Jonathan nodded, about to leave when the Captain spoke again.

“And Archer.” The voice was hard as flint now, Jonathan kept himself from flinching, barely. “No more ridiculous stunts. Tucker has enough obstacles to his advancement with brass ignoring his talent and work ethic because of,” he wrinkled his nose, “political reasons.” Impossibly, his stare hardened. “Don’t make it worse.” 

“Understood. I never meant to endanger anyone’s career.” A small twitch of an eyebrow displayed Jefferies’ opinion of that statement, but he said nothing else.

Archer left the hangar and hesitated. He wanted to put in some more hours of training, but remembered AG’s warning words of trying ‘too hard’. Maybe he should change some habits he’d formed. After walking round a little aimlessly, he found himself approaching the barracks. He realised that he was there to see Tucker, it wasn’t like he knew anyone else who still lived in barracks. Once people achieved a certain rank, they could afford to live off-site in the city. He wondered over to where he knew higher ranking crewmen and women were usually housed and stopped a few people. One of them pointed him to Lieutenant Tucker’s rooms. Luckily they didn’t seem to recognise him, his sports coat covering his pips.

On this way up the stairs, he thought about how he’d met the young engineer. He’d been heartened that someone else was fighting as hard as he was to see the engine succeed and impressed with Tucker’s outspokenness in front of the Vulcans. The Lieutenant had been surprised at the invitation for a drink, more than a little reluctant to accept a drink from a superior officer. But Archer had won him round and after an awkward beginning – Jonathan reminded starkly just how young and naive Tucker was by his mooning after Ruby, didn’t he know that Ruby wasn’t half the romantic the engineer appeared to be? – they settled into a rhythm of banter and stories which was exactly what Archer needed after the disastrous day. That might have been the end of their association – as Jonathan was serious about toeing the line of fraternisation guidelines – but then Robinson’s crazy idea took hold and they’d enlisted the engineer’s help. It wasn’t until they had cornered Tucker outside the barracks to ask him for his help and he hesitated before answering that Archer considered how much of a risk they were asking him to take. He and AG had trained hard for this project and yes, Tucker was also passionate, but it wasn’t like he wouldn’t have any other opportunities in Starfleet if the project was suspended. In the end, AG had worked his blunt kind of charm and Tucker had agreed to help and none of them had been kicked out.

Archer pressed the door chime, then instantly doubted his assumption that because he wasn’t working, Tucker would be there. But then the door slid open and Archer enjoyed a split second of a warm, sleepy smile before Tucker recognised him and snapped to attention. He was casually dressed in regulation gym wear, though he didn’t appear to have been on his way to the gym and his hair was untidy as if he’d just gotten out of bed.

“Commander?” It was an acknowledgement and a question all at once.

“At ease, Trip. I er, I started back today and wanted to see how you were.” Aware of the lameness of that sentence, he continued humorously. “I heard Captain Jefferies thought you were working too hard, so the end of the world must be near.” Tucker offered a weak laugh and shifted nervously before offering what Archer interpreted as reluctantly.

“Come in.” He stepped back and began shifting some mess with his feet. Archer held back a smile, about to put the man out of his misery by revealing his own barracks had usually been in a much worse state than that, when he noticed something strange on the desk.

“What’s that?” Tucker followed his gaze.

“Oh, it’s a translation matrix.” Archer approached it curiously and listened as Tucker explained. “I’m translating a whole load of Vulcan papers on warp theory.” By the looks of the equipment, it had been assembled from scratch likely in that very room. Interest thoroughly piqued, Archer said casually.

“I thought those had already been translated.” Warming to the subject, the engineer tucked his hands under his armpits and took a step closer, also looking at the machine.

“The most famous ones have been, but there are still a lot which are only available in Vulcan.” Still eying the machine in interest, Archer asked.

“So you’ve download a translation matrix and run the papers through it?” Grimacing slightly, Tucker explained.

“Well, actually your standard Vulcan translation matrix doesn’t have many engineering terms programmed into it. Had to make my own.” Jon blinked.

“You’re teaching yourself Vulcan?” Tucker shrugged and smiled a little sheepishly.

“Kinda, just engineering stuff. Enough to put together a matrix that don’t make a mess of the warp theory papers. I do it on the side, kinda like a hobby.” Now that was dedication, Jon thought admiringly. Recognising the workaholic tendencies in the engineer that he saw in himself, Archer looked around the rest of the room curiously.

“Anything you do that’s not related to engineering?”

“Ah, I go diving.” He indicated to a photo of what was presumably himself posing next to a manta ray under water. Jon smiled.

“I always wanted to learn.” Eyes lighting up, Trip suggested enthusiastically.

“You should come over to Florida then. My uncle runs a diving school.” He smiled shyly. “I could get you a good deal.”

“I might take you up on that.” And he found himself meaning it. “Captain Jefferies told me about that breakthrough you had the other day. But as usual he didn’t have time to fill me in properly. I was wondering if you’d have time for a drink, maybe tonight?” Whilst cursing how awkward that had sounded in his head, the Commander was disappointed to see hesitation in the Lieutenant’s expression. But then the young man smiled warmly.

“Yeah, I can catch you up. No problem.” Smiling back, Archer clapped Tucker on the shoulder and was rewarded by the smile brightening by a few notches.

For the next nine months, Archer worked hard to prove how reliable and rule-following he could be to the brass. He put in extra hours on the administrative side of the project, dealing with all the frustrating forms and reports no one liked doing. At the same time, he also got to know Trip Tucker a lot better too. At first the young man seemed reluctant to spend time with him, but Archer put that down to shyness and that Tucker had probably also received a lecture from Jefferies about the Archer’s corrupting influence. Archer was also aware that he might be considered something of a role model for the younger man, given the differences in ages and ranks. This made him second guess his decisions and how he acted sometimes. But after a few months, Tucker seemed to relax a bit and the two started settling into a more comfortable, friendly relationship. The young man was driven, funny and could be charming when he wanted. The first time Tucker had managed to gently tease Archer and not tense up at the realisation of his daring was a good sign and they went from there.

Finally, after about one year from Archer and Robinson’s stunt the Vulcans admit the engine design didn’t, in fact, need to be changed. And testing began again in earnest.


	2. Ignition

Jon opened his eyes and stared at the dark ceiling, taking a moment to recall where he was. He heard a moan and turning his head, saw a light from under his door. Then he remembered. He was in AG’s guest room, in his friend’s apartment near Starfleet Command. AG had offered it whilst Jon’s place was being fumigated. It was his second night there and he’d been beat from a hard day of training. He’d declined AG’s offer for a drink and headed straight for bed. Jon glanced at the chronometer by the bed. Half an hour after closing time.

“Yeah, oh! Yeah.” Soft, wet sounds permeated the door. Jon blushed and felt himself hardening at the realisation that his friend was getting blown. It sounded like a good one as well. Cursing his friend, Jon figured that AG must have gone to the bar, picked someone up and completely forgotten about agreeing to let Jon stay. Trying not to breathe too heavily, even though he doubted either party would hear him anyway, he contemplated his predicament. Did he wait until they were suitably distracted and try to leave, give them some privacy? Did he make a noise, say something? Or just block his ears?

 “Just like that…oohhhh.” Closing his eyes in embarrassment and shame, he breathed in deeply and silently rolled out of the bed. Creeping to his door, he opened it a crack and peered out. Damn. AG had carelessly left his bedroom door wide open; no way he’d be able to sneak past unseen. His ‘friend’ had obviously forgotten he was there; he’d just have to pretend that he’d just slept through it.

Yes, he’d just have to block his ears and then laugh about his ‘ignorance’ of it in the morning with his friend. It wasn’t his fault they’d come in and started…AG groaned more and Jon blushed harder, returning to bed and pulling the covers over his head. Hands over ears he huffed and tried to ignore his inconvenient bulge in his sweat pants. It had been a long time since he’d been with anyone, so long that the mere idea of AG having sex with someone was stirring his interest. He closed his eyes, picturing engine schematics and reciting take-off and landing procedures in his head. One of his hands slipped off his ear as he shifted and another moan snapped his control, sending a jolt of pleasure through his cock. Guiltily, he opened his pyjama fly and took himself in hand, closing his eyes at the sensation. Just to take the edge off, nothing more…AG’s breathing was speeding up and he moaned some more words of encouragement and praise. Biting his lip, Jon eyed his night bag beside the bed, thinking about the small bottle of lube in there.

“Wait! Stop!” Jon froze, holding his breath. AG panted hungrily. “I wanna fuck you.” For a wild moment, Jon thought that his friend was talking to him. His cock twitched in his hand and he squeezed reflexively. There was a grunt from the next room and then a low mutter. Jon realised with a jolt that AG’s partner was male. He wasn’t surprised exactly; he knew that AG swung both ways. The time when they’d ended up in a closet with their hands in each other’s pants had been proof enough of that. He’d just not really thought about it. For Jon, it had been a moment of euphoria as they’d retreated from their dressing down by Commodore Forrest, the relief of retaining their positions in the space program, suspension withstanding, spilling over into something else. Whilst Jon hadn’t ever specifically ruled out the idea of taking male partners, able to appreciate a handsome face and buff physique as much as any red-blooded man, he’d only been with women. He hadn’t given it much thought, even after he had blushed and stammered to his new ally that he didn’t want anything serious, earning a snort and chuckle from said man. They’d still been in the closet, tucking themselves back in and AG had clapped Jon on the shoulder, reassuring him in a friendly-condescending tone that it was fine: just friends letting off some steam. From that day, neither had expressed any sexual interest in the other and Jon had continued to only looked at women. Until now.

“Come on.” AG cajoled the mystery man in that domineering way he had. It was not so much persuading, just enforcing his will through a veil of good-natured words. It was a strange kind of blunt charm that worked most of the time. Jon heard the rustling of clothes, the flick of a cap and figured that it must have worked this time too. Quickly, he dug out and uncapped his own lube and slicked himself up. His limbs tingled in anticipation and he told himself that he was not responsible for the situation. They might even know that he might hear and still they were… He almost gasped as a shiver ran through him, hand tightening on his cock. He felt a thrill at the thought that maybe they wanted him to hear them, that they were performing for him.

“Yeah, spread that pert little behind for me.” There was no response that Jon could hear, but he imagined that the partner was rolling his eyes, it was what Jon would have done at such a line. He worked to keep his breathing quiet as he stroked himself, listening to someone work AG’s partner open. Jon kept his hand on himself slow and firm, picturing the faceless man bent over on one elbow, fingers on the other hand pumping into himself. Or maybe AG was doing it, leaning over and breathing on the heated skin, raising the hairs on the man’s neck. Jon reached down and played with his balls, picturing it. Eventually, AG murmured huskily. “You ready for me?” Another low mutter and then the sounds of them shifting on the bed made Jon’s breathing pick up. AG moaned lowly, heavy breaths and pants coming from his partner. Suddenly, AG gasped.

“So tight!” Jon closed his eyes, biting his lip as he jerked himself off to the imagined sensation of burying his cock deep into someone. It had been a long, long time. Through the pounding in his ears and his friend’s moans, he could hear quiet sounds of pleasure of the other man. He couldn’t tell how fast the thrusts were, but they were probably going slow in deference to the tightness AG was still gasping about. Soon, it sounded like AG was speeding up. Jon saw in his mind’s eye naked buttocks clenching, hips thrusting, thighs flexing, fingers tightening on skin. There was a loud gasp, more grunting and then AG rasped.

“You like that, huh?” He received more moaning in reply. AG kept on, rambling in that way he had when he was close. “You like being fucked on my big cock, don’t ya?” The sound of skin slapping on skin sped up, their panting and moaning stuttering under the increased pace. “Don’t ya, Lieutenant?” Instantly, Jon’s hand stopped. Lieutenant…Which Lieutenant? Johnson? No, he was straight. At least, Archer thought he was. Perhaps it was Lieutenant Harrison? He was a kind of plain-looking technician, but he was young and fit. AG was still talking, his voice turning demanding. “Say it, say you love it!”

“Ah! I do! I love it, sir.” Jon’s cock jumped as he recognised the voice. Suddenly, his mind’s eye was filled with Tucker’s face, sweaty and open in pleasure, and his hand started pulling frantically at his cock of its own volition. He was panting against the hand over his mouth, unable to stop the images bombarding his mind and chasing his orgasm with abandon. He could barely hear the two in the next room over the pounding of blood in his ears. Lost in the sensation, he came hard, his whole body fizzing with it, limbs taught and throat straining to keep quiet. Wave after wave washed over him and he couldn’t help but groan, not knowing if they could hear him, not caring. Finally, the sensations faded and he relaxed down again, breathing hard. In the other room, AG’s words broke up into a long rasping moan and then his pants began to slow.

Jon lay still, trying to hold on to the afterglow as he couldn’t help but hear the others. AG sounded spent, a soft flopping sound indicating he’d probably collapsed onto the bed. There was a frustrated huff and then a repeated slick, rubbing sound. Jon’s mind wondered; had his friend been taking Tucker from behind, Tucker on his hands and knees? Bent over the bed? Or had Tucker been on his back, writhing under AG’s touch? His ponderings were interrupted by a choked moan and another soft flopping sound. His glow now faded, he realised that Tucker had just brought himself off. Guilt crept in. He’d just spied on two of his friends having sex. It was suddenly different, now that he knew the identity of his friend’s partner. No longer horny and desperate, his stomach began to sink as he tried to reconcile the friendly, sunny engineer with someone who would let himself be fucked by a superior officer whilst another superior officer was sleeping in the next room. Though their friendship was relatively new and he felt their age difference at times, he had a lot of respect for the man, he would never have thought in a million years...

More sounds, shuffling, sheets creasing. A nausea crept into his gut as he contemplated the idea that they were going to go again. But then he heard the clink of a belt buckle, rustling of clothes. AG yawned and said sleepily.

“On the side.” There was a moment of silence, then AG huffed. “Don’t give me that look, it’s for a taxi.” Trip replied with a bite.

“I can pay my own fare, Commander.” Jon found himself wondering exactly what their arrangement was. Because it definitely sounded very business-like, not at all as passionate as he’d imagine Trip… No, he was trying not to imagine the junior officer in any inappropriate way at all. He held back a snort as he considered how late it was to try that. AG didn’t reply, the bed creaking as he sighed. Jon listened to Lieutenant Tucker leaving the flat. His mind was racing, reeling with this new knowledge. AG and Trip were…they were…well, fucking.

He remembered the drunken but eager words of Commander Connors at the celebration drunks for his new promotion. Archer and AG had overheard the engineers toasting and had come over to add their congratulations. They’d been invited to stay with the group and as the night went on eventually it had only been Connors, AG and Archer hanging on for another drink. They were all pretty wasted and the conversation had predictably turned dirty. AG had been boasting about his latest conquest when Connors had blurted out that no one gave a better blow job than Tucker. It hadn’t taken much questioning from AG for Connors to spill all the details. How they’d both been assigned to Jefferies’ team and after flirting some had fallen into bed. After another round of shots, Connors describing in detail what an amazing tongue Tucker had, AG had casually asked if they were still at it. Apparently not, the pair had agreed to stop after Connor’s promotion. Jon had been busy trying not to think about Tucker in that way and guiltily wondering if he had been passed up for promotion because of his role in their stunt over a year ago. Now, he guessed that AG had been paying more attention to the gory details of Tucker’s sexual talents. Until that moment, feeling his cum drying on his stomach, Jon had never considered the young Lieutenant in that light. He’d noticed that the man was good-looking and fit, but he’d never… He shivered, residual arousal fizzing gently in his limbs. He hadn’t even seen anything, but the sounds had been enough to ignite his imagination and hunger. 

Maybe he’d just missed that adventurous side of Trip, maybe AG had seen something that he’d missed. This had certainly opened his eyes. He was worried about the power dynamic between his friends, but that wasn’t anything he could do about it till the morning. Smiling to himself as he drifted off, he thought that he’d have to find a way to get invited next time.

…

AG took one look at him the next morning and started laughing. Jon admitted his attempt at acting nonchalant had failed so chuckled himself, glad to be able to use humour to defuse some of his awkwardness.

“You could have warned me!” He got some coffee from the pot and sat down across from his friend at the little kitchenette table. AG was slumped in his seat, looking like a well-rested lion. He didn’t even look phased at the accidental, or perhaps not so accidental, exhibitionism from the night before.

“Enjoy the show?” Sometimes Jon hated how well his friend knew him. Hearing his friend’s hoot of laughter, he grumbled into his coffee. AG smirked. “You should have joined in!” Jon’s cock twitched and he forced himself calm. Despite the fact that it had been an extremely sexy thought in the afterglow the night before, in the light of day he didn’t find the idea as appealing. Hoping to draw attention away from it, he leaned back in his chair and asked.

“So what’s the deal with you two anyway?”

“With Tucker?” AG shrugged. “I ran into him last night and wanted to see if Connors was right.” He grinned. “I can now objectively say that he was.” He sat up, pointing a shoulder at Jon. “You should try him some time. Kid knows what he’s doing.” That was part of Jon’s daylight reservations, he thought. Compared to them, Tucker _was_ a kid. He remembered the young man’s face, bright and eager as he’d helped Jon with his space suit before the test flight. It was hard to reconcile that image with an experienced lover giving AG an amazing blow-job. Unlike some of his peers, he hadn’t ever felt the urge to pursue much younger partners, preferring to be with people his own age. Less chance of anyone getting hurt.

There was another concern. AG had called Trip ‘Lieutenant’; Trip had called AG ‘sir’. Although AG wasn’t Trip’s direct superior, so any ‘relations’ were not strictly prohibited, he did hold the higher rank and Jon didn’t like the feeling that gave him. The feeling that one friend was pressuring the other into something he didn’t really want. It would be difficult and awkward, as open as the young man seemed this wasn’t likely something that he’d instantly agree to talk about, but Jon resolved to try and find out how Trip felt. Whilst he didn’t think that AG would overtly use his rank to threaten someone into submission, he wasn’t above taking advantage where he could and damn anyone else’s feelings. Knowing that it would likely be pointless, Jon nevertheless tried.

“So who’s idea was it?” As predicted, AG rolled his eyes.

“Calm down, dad! He was up for it. I doubt that boy has ever met a cock he didn’t like.” Jon fought his blush at second-hand embarrassment for Trip being talked about in that crass way. AG noticed his reaction and huffed a laugh. “You’re a pair! On second thoughts, maybe you shouldn’t go for him, it’d all end in tears. The kid already thinks the sun shines out your ass.” Jon frowned, he had noticed the nervousness Tucker sometimes showed when around him, and the awe in his eyes, but he had thought that it had been a ‘rank’ thing and it had lessened considerably since that first awkward drink they’d had before Jon’s fight with AG at the 602 club. Giving up on subtly, knowing Robinson would see straight through him anyway, he asked bluntly.

“This going to be a regular thing?” Robinson shrugged, taking another sip of coffee.

“I’m not much of a planner, you know that.”

“He’s a junior officer and you’re both working on the same project, it might get messy is all I’m saying.” Raising an eyebrow, Robinson chuckled.

“Protective much? We’re all big boys here, I think we can all handle a little sex.” Jon folded his arms. Lips curling, Robinson downed the rest of his coffee and pulled himself up, grousing dramatically. “Fine! I won’t ask him again. You happy?” Standing up and getting himself some coffee, Jon replied dryly.

“I’m happy.” There was a minute of quiet as they drank their coffee before AG smirked again.

“I’m serious about him liking you though. You’d just need to whistle.” Jon sighed.

“Alright, I get it.” Then he changed the subject. AG was a fighter but only about certain things, Jon didn’t think he would actively pursue Trip again. Still, he resolved to get a gauge on Trip’s feelings and so set off to the hangar to track his friend down.

…

“Good morning, Captain.” Jefferies looked up from his PADD, nodding in greeting. They exchanged a few words before Jon saw Tucker out of the corner of his eye, walking across the room. He made his way over to where the engineer had stopped, head buried in a PADD, tapping away on it. Taking the time to assess his friend before making himself known, he took in the tired-looking face and sagging posture. He hadn’t seen that the young man walking any differently, would never have guessed at what the engineer had been up to the night before. Finally, he got close enough that even Trip in his distracted state noticed him. He looked up and smiled. Was that smile normal or a little stiffer than usual?

 “Oh, hello Commander.”

“Tucker.” Jon replied, trying to avoid using ranks but not comfortable with using the man’s nickname whilst on duty. He tried to sound causal as he asked. “How are you today?” Avoiding eye contact, the Lieutenant replied quietly.

“Fine, sir. And you?”

“A bit tired, didn’t get much sleep last night.” Trip’s eyes flickered then. Seeing the cogs turning, Jon realised that he didn’t want to reveal what he knew, predicting that the young man would be mortified. He tried for subtle. “Sure you’re alright? Jefferies not working you too hard? I know that sometimes some of the senior officers can be…demanding. It can be hard to say no to them.” Flushing, Tucker mumbled.

“Thanks Commander, but I’m fine. There’s no problem.” Not entirely reassured by the Lieutenant’s response, Jon accepted that he wouldn’t get any further at the moment. Inter-rank relationships, causal or not, were always tricky; they could very quickly escalate and become a blame game. Commander Robinson had his moments, but he was one of their best pilots, he was well-liked by Command and Archer wasn’t even sure that he’d broken any regs at all. Instead he would play the long game, keeping an eye on the situation for now, offering support where he could.

“Alright. But if there ever is, you know you can speak up, right?” Looking a bit confused but still grateful, the Lieutenant’s face nodded in acknowledgment.

“Thank you, sir.” He croaked. AG’s comments came back to Jon then but he couldn’t see more than friendly emotions in Trip’s expression.

“Good. Well, I’ll let you get back to work.” Tucker nodded again, gratefully half-bowing as he turned away to ostensibly focus on his work. Archer began to leave, trying to analyse his feelings about the whole thing. Part of him was happy that his estimation of Trip’s character hadn’t been based on an elaborate act, as he’d read no lie in the Lieutenant’s eyes. Either Connors and AG were exaggerating, or Tucker was one of those people for whom it was easier to actually have sex than talk about it. Then again, it would be an awkward situation for anyone, due to the ranks involved. He liked Trip’s mixture of technical competence and naivety, his boyish wonder when it came to exploring. Their shared dreams of exploring new worlds and encountering new cultures were a big part of their friendship, their enthusiasm and hunger for deep-space exploration feeding into the other’s. Another part of him was worried that the very naivety he admired in his young friend was leaving him vulnerable to people like AG. Although not an innocent, as he’d overheard the night before, Tucker was still a young man trying to prove his worth in a large, naval-style organisation. The fact that Jefferies had struggled to keep him on, despite his obvious talent, spoke of either a prejudice against him or an undervaluing of his skills. Had the incident become public and Starfleet had been forced to pin the blame on someone, the young Southern engineer who had never been to college and had no connections in the higher ranks would have been the easiest choice. All of the Lieutenant’s hard work could easily be unravelled by unfortunate circumstances and those who cared more about their own interests than keeping the best people in Starfleet. He thought of Jefferies’ warning to him, not to lead his engineer astray, and considered that maybe he should steer clear altogether, to be safe.

He glanced back to catch the Lieutenant watching him leave. As Trip jumped and turned around quickly, Jon smirked to himself. The action cemented his affection for the young man and strengthened his resolve to keep him as a friend, at least. AG might have been right about Tucker’s interest in him but Jon didn’t think it would become a problem if he didn’t make it one. No, staying away wasn’t an option. He wanted to see where this relationship would go. With some care, he was sure that it would be something really special.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I worked on this chapter a lot, trying to get the balance right. I wanted Jon's actions here to be questionable but not unforgivable so I welcome any feedback!  
> Thanks :D


	3. Learning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note I've updated the tags in light of this chapter, includes a description of Trip's brush with nitrogen narcosis on Titan.

Jon questioned his decision to join Trip’s family for Christmas right up until the front door opened. He’d seen through his friend’s attempt at reverse phycology to get him to agree to come, and he was both amused and touched at the effort. In the end, the desire for company overruled his concern of intruding or feeling awkward. It was a bad time of year to be alone, as Jon had found out from many years of fleeting visits to his maiden aunt in New York, or volunteering for the holiday shift. He still corresponded with some family friends and the Emery’s would always send him a little something in the mail; it just wasn’t the same.

Luckily, from the moment he and Trip arrived it was nearly impossible to think in the whirlwind of noise and faces. He’d worried about getting emotional, memories of his own family Christmas’s before his father had died had been on his mind in the weeks before their arrival. But this family was so different from his own that it wasn’t as painful as he was expecting. As a child, there had only been the three of them, his father, mother and him and then later not even that many. Trip had three siblings: his sisters Melissa and Lizzie and his brother Albert and the extended family that descended each year were almost too many to count. The horde on this particular occasion were loud and cheerful, their voices and laughter overlaying the usual Christmas imagery which might have caused sad memories. Though Trip’s mom fussing over him did make him slightly teary, thinking about his own mother who’d passed a few years before.

Whenever he did feel sad, he would distract himself by cataloguing all the traits Trip had inherited from his family. The most obvious features were the ski slope nose and colouring; he’d never seen so many blond heads in one room – the occasional brunet head stood out very distinctly. Also he saw certain mannerisms he’d noticed Trip do, and even some he hadn’t consciously noted, replicated by his many relatives: the rubbing of his lip when thinking came from his namesake Charles Tucker I, several relatives did the little ‘excited shuffle’ when waiting to open their presents – Jon had seen this many times whilst Trip had been itching to dive into an explanation of something he’d just built or figured out – and digging his fingers into his brow when tired or stressed definitely came from his mother. More generally, Trip seemed to have inherited his father’s easy-going attitude, his mother’s loving concern, his siblings’ tongue-in-cheek humour. Even the attention of Trip’s maiden aunts reminded Jon of Trip’s expression when appreciating women in bars. He had no doubt that these people had raised his friend and they’d done an amazing job. He also felt included in a way he hadn’t since his mother had died. In all, he was very glad that he’d accepted the invitation and resolved to accept the next one too.

…

It wasn’t until Trip was teaching him how to dive that Jon considered adding sex to the list of their shared hobbies. They’d known each other more than two years now and it had been almost 18 months since the ‘AG incident’. After the previous Christmas, Jon had felt even closer to Trip than before. Jon had no shortage of amiable acquaintances and a few good friends, but Trip had become his best friend, without question. They spent a lot of their downtime together and had long conversations, speculating about what they would encounter in the wider universe. Trip made him laugh but was also someone smart and dependable; Jon knew he could comm Trip with a problem and even if it wasn’t in Trip’s field, he would do his best to give useful advice. Nine times out of ten, the engineer would come up with something to help Jon come to the right decision.

Thinking about it, this holiday with Trip was the best time he’d had in a while, certainly more laughs than with his previous girlfriend. He knew that Trip was able to separate work and play, given his previous arrangement with Connors and the one night stand with Robinson. Why couldn’t they do it too? Jon would get lonely between relationships and he saw the benefit of blowing off some steam with a good friend. He was fairly sure that Trip found him attractive, if the hastily concealed looks of appreciation whenever Jon was topless were anything to go by. Admiring his friend’s musculature in the various stages of undress that were part of diving and swimming in the ocean, Jon couldn’t deny his own interest. He could still remember the sound of Trip moaning and gasping in AG’s bed, and it could still cause a frisson of arousal all this time later. He would have to be careful about how he posed the question, but he was sure it could work.

The morning he made his decision to start laying the ground work for the offer, Trip’s uncle who owned the school came to visit. He was retired and had people to do the books and run the classes, but he had to see his favourite nephew – “don’t tell the others!” he wheezed – whilst the engineer had torn himself away from his work. Jon could see the love and respect between the two and could easily imagine a lanky teenager eagerly tinkering with boat engines under the watchful eye of his bemused uncle. After introductions were made, Trip went to get the boat ready and his uncle pulled Jon aside, saying seriously and without preamble.

“Charlie is a good kid. I hope you know how special he is.” Jon fought back a blush, trying not to think about his intention to broach starting a sexual arrangement.

“Oh, we’re just friends.” Jack also looked a little embarrassed as he went on.

“Oh, I know. I just meant that sometimes he tries so hard to put others first, he forgets to take care of himself.” Jon wondered at that. That wasn’t something he’d noticed. He knew that Trip could be very accommodating and sometimes a little too eager to please, but he hadn’t seen evidence that this trait impacted Trip negatively. “He gets hurt.” Jack’s voice wavered a little and Jon felt cold suddenly. There a story there, Jon thought. But then Jack cleared his throat, looking away, and Jon realised that he wouldn’t be hearing it today, if ever. Anyway, he got the gist of it.

“I think I understand. I’ll look after him.” Jack nodded gratefully and Jon left to help Trip with the boat, only half-listening to his friend chatter about something. He let the words and happy voice wash over him as he pondered Jack’s words.

On reflection, Trip’s uncle was right. Trip did put others before himself, more often than not. At least, he always deferred to what Jon wanted more often than not. He couldn’t believe that he hadn’t noticed it before. Guiltily, he considered that maybe he hadn’t wanted to, as this tendency in his friend only benefited himself. Was he the same as AG? Pulling rank without even realising he’d been doing it? He put that side as a question to ponder another time. For now, Jon realised that he shouldn’t even float the possibility of their fooling around. Trip might interpret it was a requirement, might take it upon himself to make Jon happy at his own expense. Even though the young man was obviously interested, there could be any number of reasons that he hadn’t brought the idea up himself. AG’s words mocked and warned Jon at the same time. There was no way for Jon to know that Trip was really agreeing to anything more than friendship because he wanted to and not just to make Jon happy. This hypothesis was confirmed for Jon when during their night dive, Jon got suspicious that Trip had set him up, that Trip had been well aware of the giant eel hiding in the cave wall. Jon didn’t call him out on it, amused at Trip’s disappointment at the failure of the prank and over dinner that night, he’d caught Trip looking at him. He couldn’t exactly read the emotion but it was tender and precious. If Jon didn’t know any better he’d say Trip was in love. That made him pause. Was Trip…? No, he couldn’t be. Jon was no stranger to romantic relationships, and Trip’s behaviour was not that of someone in love. At least in Jon’s experience. As it stood, the look was a reminder of Trip’s soft and vulnerable centre and how much Jon didn’t want to hurt him.

A few weeks after they got back from the trip, Jon met Jennifer and decided fiftieth time lucky.

…

Jennifer didn’t last long. But six months later, he met Sarah and Sarah, she was one of the better ones. She was a nature conservationist, keen-eyed and bright and quite lovely. She was also a true romantic and Jon had fun outdoing himself whenever he planned an elaborate date. Not letting him talk too much about his job, Sarah offered him escape from it and in the period that they dated, it was sorely needed. The problem beginning with a ‘V’ and ending with a headache for all the impetuous humans. One of the downsides, however, was from early on she kept on making comments about how Jon spent a lot of time with Trip. Jon had introduced the two and they’d had drinks together a few times. Typically for Trip he didn’t show much interest in getting to know Jon’s girlfriend, but he was pleasant enough, not enough for Sarah to take against him. Jon insisted that Trip was his best friend and so it was natural they spend a lot of time together; it wasn’t like Jon could put his social life on hold because he had a girlfriend. Not that he told that last part to Sarah.

So it came as a great surprise when he heard that Trip had a boyfriend. Whilst he knew intellectually that Trip had been with other men, he hadn’t actually seen any evidence of that except for Commander Connor’s boasts and the unfortunate incident with AG. If he’d considered it, Jon probably would have assumed that he’d had occasional partners but no one serious. Though to be honest, thinking about it, he couldn’t remember Trip actively pursuing anyone except Ruby. And that had almost become a running joke between the two; Trip smiling winningly as he guessed the names and Ruby fond as she told him to think again. It was innocent flirtation and Jon realised that it had been fooling him, making him think about Trip’s love life as equivalent to a teenager’s. Jon knew that Trip went out drinking with his engineering friends and he supposed that he went home with people occasionally, not that he’d ever seen that happening with his own eyes. In terms of long-term relationships, Trip had never mentioned any names or brought anyone to parties or outings. Jon wondered where he’d gotten the impression that Trip was a lady’s man. Connors and AG had confirmed that Trip actually did have sex with other men and was good at it, but Trip’s engineering friends and colleagues from training seemed to think he exclusively saw women. It seemed like no one had the whole picture. According to the guy who’d told him, the boyfriend was a civilian, a foreigner who was travelling around the States. But he and Trip had been together for almost nine months.

Jon’s second reaction was disappointment and hurt. Nine months? Trip had been dating someone for nine months and he had never mentioned anything to his best friend? Jon thought back, trying to remember any times Trip had been vague about plans for weekends or evenings. How many dates had he had in secret? Did they live together? Who _was_ this guy? Had Trip dated before and not told Jon about them? How many other partners has Trip had that Jon didn’t know about? In the past, if the subject of dating had come up, Trip had always claimed to be too busy to date. He certainly did spend enough time at the hangar and labs to prove this, but was it possible that it was just a lie? Jon had so many questions and didn’t feel like he could ask any of them. It wasn’t as if Jon shared his every passing thought with his friend but he definitely shared the important things. Nine months…it sounded like this relationship wasn’t insignificant. Why hadn’t Trip told him? And what else didn’t he know about his friend?

In the end he was the one who brought it up, mentioning as casually as he could that he’d heard Trip was dating someone. Trip had gone red and stammered something about keeping his personal life separate from his life at Starfleet. That took Jon aback. He’d never thought about dividing his life in any way. He was who he was, no point in trying to hide that. Whilst he could understand this desire in theory, Jon wasn’t moved, insisting that Trip should be honest and true to himself. Then he had a terrible thought; maybe Trip was keeping this a secret from Jon because he was afraid of Jon’s disapproval. Maybe this Jamie character wasn’t worthy of him. He could be just like AG, using Trip for sex and not caring about him at all. The words of Trip’s uncle came back to him. Jon had to meet this boyfriend. Jon had to make sure that Trip was being treated right. So after some wheedling Trip reluctantly agreed to a double date with Jon and Sarah, himself and Jamie.

They all went to dinner with Jon predisposed to hating this loser who was taking advantage of his friend’s good nature. It was with conflicting emotions that Jon realised that Jamie and Trip were well suited and Jamie was…a really good guy. He was quick-witted and funny, without being mean, charming but also thoughtful. Whilst it was clear he was a ‘free spirit’ as Jon’s mother would have phrased it, when Sarah asked him why he’d stuck around in California so long after travelling through the States, his warm smile in Trip’s direction made Jon realise that he didn’t view his relationship with Trip as temporary. Jon felt relieved and then vaguely nauseous; maybe it was the clams.

Trip had been tense at the beginning of the meal, quiet. It was clear he was uncomfortable with the situation, something Jon was doggedly ignoring as he covertly grilled the boyfriend under the guise of being friendly and interested in the man’s life. When he was satisfied with Jamie’s character, Jon had turned to trying to ease Trip’s tension but Jamie beat him to it, his reassuring smile relaxing the engineer. Jon realised that after he’d relaxed, Trip had seemed much happier in his own skin. Work had been stressful lately, the Vulcans using one missed check to push for a revaluation of all the project’s protocols: all 144 of them. Everyone had been under more pressure than usual to do everything by the book and frustrations at their constant watch dogs had made the atmosphere tense. At dinner, Jamie told a hilarious anecdote and everyone laughed. But through his own amusement, Jon watched Trip laughing and felt a twinge. Trip hadn’t seemed that happy in a long time, it was like the past few weeks had never happened.

Then came the stab of resentment. Jon couldn’t remember Trip ever laughing like that at one of his jokes. He watched them as Sarah talked about something. They were being attentive to her but would occasionally exchange glances at each other. Jamie’s lip would twitch into a micro-smile and Trip’s eyes would soften. It was obvious the pair really cared about each other. They didn’t touch at all, but they always seemed aware of the other’s presence. Jon ate his chocolate dessert and told himself he wasn’t jealous.

As they were leaving, he pulled Trip aside and expressed his blessing, though not in as many words. He could tell that Trip was surprised, either by the comment or the fact that Jon was making it, Jon couldn’t tell. Neither option was encouraging. Lying in bed that night, listening to the soft sounds of Sarah sleeping, Jon went over everything in his head. He thought about Trip’s lack of romantic partners over the years they’d known each other. He thought about Trip being nervous at the two parts of his life colliding. He thought about Jack’s warning that Trip was often vulnerable to being hurt. Something had obviously happened, probably when Trip was younger. He’d put his heart in someone else’s hands and they’d trampled on it.

It would explain a lot, Jon mused. He hated the thought of Trip being hurt by anyone and understood his friend’s desire to be cautious. Though it still hurt _him_ , the thought that Trip didn’t trust him with the knowledge that he’d been dating. Perhaps what hurt most of all was the realisation that Trip wasn’t pining for him anymore. The lingering looks and soft smiles had dried up. Trip had someone else now. Someone who made him happy. Someone who loved him. Jon gritted his teeth. He was glad for his friend, he was glad for his friend, he was happy, he was happy…

When Trip and Jamie broke up a few months later, Jon worked hard to only show his sympathy. He was sorry that his friend was sad; when Trip was miserable, everyone else was too, if only for the lack of sunshine the engineer usually brought to a room. It just wasn’t Jon’s dominant emotion. The relief of having his friend to himself again was almost eclipsed by guilt at that reaction. Who was he to demand such a high price from his friend? To expect his friend to be alone and pine after him whilst never act on it? He was ashamed at his selfishness but didn’t know how to stop feeling the way he did. Thankfully Trip never seemed to suspect his friend’s less than honourable reaction to him being dumped. When Sarah in turn dumped Jon, he tried harder than usual to convince her to stay. It was to no avail and Jon tried to ignore the fact that he was more upset with losing her as a distraction than her leaving altogether. In a type of penance, Jon abstained from dating for a while, spending as much time with Trip as he could. Trip’s pleased smile when Jon volunteered to go with him to a late night showing of old horror films made him feel a little better. But only a little.

…

January 15th 2148 became one of the worst days of Jon’s life. It was meant to be a routine mission on Titan: Jon, Trip and two others were tasked with replacing some parts on the bases’ exterior sensor grid. Jon remembered how excited Trip was to be on the moon; he’d never been that far away from Earth before and that thought eclipsed the mundanity of the task. Ensign Fuller had done a few rotations on Mars so exchanged an amused look with Jon, making him feel like an indulgent parent for an absurd moment. Once they’d gotten out onto the surface, everything had been going well; they’d replaced the part and were on their way back. Tucker had asked about a large yellow blob in the distance, sounding anxious. Crewman Peng, who was stationed on Titan, laughed a little and was telling them about the methane lake when Jon heard something else over the comm. Frowning, he landed from his bounce and listened. It sounded like heavy breathing. Peng and Fuller were ahead of him, continuing on their way without showing any signs of trouble. Dread welled up as Jon turned around and saw Tucker a few metres behind him, fumbling with the latches on his helmet.

“Trip! What the Hell are you doing?” The laboured breathing was obvious now that Peng had stopped talking. Trip cried out brokenly.

“I can’t– breathe! Too deep!” Archer ignored the sounds of shock and confusion from the others, bounding over as he ordered sharply.

“Stop! Keep your helmet on, Lieutenant!” Tucker stopped moving, but didn’t take his hands away from the latches. He cried out, his words slow but panic writhing through every syllable.

“Jon! I can’t see! I’m too deep– I need to–” Archer reached him and pulled his hands down, examining the latches to see if any of them had been loosened. Tucker struggled weakly against his hold. “’M gonna die- if I- don’- go up.” Archer identified one latch which wasn’t fully closed, he looked the Lieutenant in the eye and injected as much authority into his voice as he said.

“Trip, listen to me. You’re on Titan, you’re not diving right now. Stay calm, we’re going to help you.” Tucker was sweating, eyes blinking sluggishly as they failed to focus. He gulped and stopped struggling, a tear spilling down one cheek as he whispered.

“I don’ wanna die.” Archer released one hand and secured the latch as Peng and Fuller arrived next to them. Peng immediately saw that Tucker’s EV pack had frozen over.

“We need to get him inside now! He’s got nitrogen narcosis.” He bounded ahead to open the hatch to the base as Fuller and Archer dragged Tucker back to the base. Archer’s gut clenching as he heard his friend’s whimpers and slurred pleas for help. By the time they’d stumbled into the changing area, Tucker was barely conscious. The medical team swooped in and whisked him off to Sickbay, leaving the others to change. Peng and Fuller were talking but Archer wasn’t listening. After a while, he realised that he was standing alone in his under-suit. He was shaking. Dizzy, he had to sit down for a moment and then couldn’t get up again. He didn’t know how long he’d sat there, staring at nothing and breathing heavily.

Slowly, he got changed and reported in, debriefing with the higher ups. As soon as he got out he bolted for Sickbay. It was quiet, only a technician monitoring some equipment and one bed occupied. Calmly, Jon walked over and one thought screamed across his mind. _I almost lost him_. Normally golden skin seemed pale and waxy under the lights, an oxygen mask covered the lower half of his face and he was so still. Even in sleep Trip was never that still, always shifting or twitching or muttering gibberish. Gingerly, Jon put a hand on his friend’s shoulder. It was warm. He was alive. Sighing heavily, Jon sagged a little in relief. Trip’s eyelids fluttered and slowly his eyes opened. Jon managed a watery smile but he didn’t think Trip properly saw him as his eyes closed again and he relaxed back into unconsciousness. Rolling over a stool, Jon stayed for a while, thinking. Trip was like the little brother he never had and the thought of losing him… He couldn’t bear it.

He’d noticed Erika Hernandez before and they’d partaken in a little friendly sparring whenever they’d crossed paths. Whilst he’d previously considered asking her out, one thing or another had always gotten in the way. The evening he returned from Titan, Jon tracked her down and asked her out. If she was surprised at his timing, she didn’t say anything. He registered his relief when she accepted and pushed any other emotions from his mind.


	4. Culmination

Dating Erika was everything Jon expected and more. She was strong-minded and determined, not taking any bullshit, but at the same time she could be empathetic and caring when there was need for it. They got along really well, shared common interests and the sex was very satisfying. Jon knew he’d gotten lucky and intended to make this relationship last as long as possible. The only dark cloud was ironically his main aim: Warp 5. If he was to Captain the first Warp 5 vessel – which he had no doubt he would – then he and Erika would either have a very, very long distance relationship or be skating on some treacherous ice. Whilst relationships between officers of different ranks was technically allowed by the regulations, with failsafe measures in place to protect both parties from exploitation, some of the brass tended to frown upon that type of thing in the upper ranks. When selecting the Captain for such an important mission, every single aspect of the person and their career would be taken into consideration. Jon doubted that requesting to date a lower ranking officer would play in his favour. He tried not to worry about that too much; no use borrowing trouble.

The other sticking point in his relationship with Erika was Trip. Historically his friend had shown next to no interest in getting to know any of Jon’s previous partners and whilst that hadn’t particularly bothered Jon before, this time it did. Jon never entered a relationship thinking they would eventually part ways, but Erika was special. He could feel it. Trip should be happy for him. He wanted Trip’s support. Aware of Trip’s current single status, Jon wasn’t sure how to broach the subject diplomatically. The last thing he wanted to do was rub his relationship in Trip’s face. Even though he hadn’t discussed it with her, Erika unwittingly offered a solution. She suggested setting Trip up with a friend of hers. Jon had been taken aback.

“Why?” They were cleaning up from a romantic dinner at Erika’s apartment when she’d brought it up. Erika was stacking the last plates in the dishwasher as she explained.

“I’ve got a great friend, Natalie. You’ve probably heard me talk about her. Well, she broke up with a long term boyfriend that was all wrong for her.” She finished and set the machine running, wiping her hands and straightening up. “That was about three months ago so she’s ready to move on.” Gently tossing the cloth he’d used to wipe the table in the sink, Jon frowned. He wasn’t happy at the suddenness of this plan.

“Okay, but why are you suddenly interested in my friend’s love life?” Erika collected her wine glass and held it out for Jon to top up.

“I’m more interested in my friend’s love life but,” she shrugged, “I think they’d be a good match.” Jon considered this, taking a sip from his own glass. Whilst he was sure that he’d often talked about Trip to Erika, it was hard to avoid it as they worked together so closely, he could also count on one hand the amount of times Trip and Erika had exchanged more than two words to each other. Why was his girlfriend so sure the people in question would be a good couple? He listened to her go on, suspicions bubbling. “Don’t you have leave coming up?” He did, but he and Trip had been planning to go diving on the West Coast for a change. He was reluctant to change those plans, their leave was limited and things were so busy at work they hardly had the time or energy to socialise in their off-hours. He’d been looking forward to the break. But Erika wasn’t fazed, smiling sunnily.

“Perfect, me and Natalie can tag along; it’d be a great icebreaker.” Jon struggled against an urge to veto the idea outright. He tried.

“I’m not sure. Won’t it be a bit awkward if they don’t…?” Erika dropped the levity and turned sincere.

“Jon, I know I don’t know Trip as well as you do, but from what you told me he’s a total catch and definitely worthy of Natalie. I’m just saying it wouldn’t hurt to introduce them. He hasn’t dated in a while, right? Maybe he just needs a push in the right direction.” Still reluctant, but unable to articulate to his girlfriend exactly why, Jon admitted defeat. They’d still be spending their holiday together and it wouldn’t hurt for Trip to meet a potential partner. As far as Jon knew, his friend hadn’t dated since Jamie had driven off into the sunset…though that must be years ago now.

Suddenly Jon worried; was Trip lonely? He wasn’t always a ray of sunshine, everyone had their bad days, but most of the time he was upbeat, cheerful, joking around, making people laugh. Or maybe he was doing a good job of appearing that way. He’d kept things from Jon before, though Jon had since concluded that Trip just didn’t have much interest in dating and he had some excuses ready whenever nosy people asked him about it. Now concerned, part of him wanted to call the double date holiday idea off and just take Trip somewhere, have a real talk, really find out if there was anything bothering his friend. Though… Erika did have a point. Trip was young and attractive, highly energetic and driven, funny and charming; why shouldn’t he be in a relationship?

So they all went on holiday together. Whilst sparks didn’t exactly fly between the pair being set up, they seemed to get along at least. Jon didn’t manage to actually spend any meaningful time alone with Trip but they managed to chat a few times whilst waiting for Erika and Natalie to come down from their room. He couldn’t help but compare it to their first diving trip. It wasn’t like he hadn’t realised at the time how much fun that holiday had been. Acing all the tasks Trip had set him first time, watching his friend get more and more ticked off, as well as admiring his trim physique in board shorts… In many ways, it had been the perfect holiday. Ah well, there would be other trips.

Jon didn’t know how to feel when Trip and Natalie did start dating a few months later. Trip’s explanation for why he asked her out wasn’t very convincing; he mentioned that his mother had recently begun questioning why he was still single and the fact that Natalie was ‘really nice’. Jon hoped that Trip hadn’t just asked her out due to trying to make other people happy; Trip’s uncle’s words coming back to haunt him. In any case, it became increasingly clear through a number of double dates and conversations with Trip that the couple were not ‘meant to be’ as it were. Part of Jon wanted to advise Trip to get out of a relationship that was clearly going nowhere but on the other hand, his friend wasn’t unhappy. Even if Natalie wasn’t ‘the one’ she did at least offer some relief from the daily stresses of their job. Maybe it was better to be with someone comfortable than being alone. Jon told himself that Trip was an adult and could make his own relationship decisions, even as a small voice whispered that he should be protecting his friend better.

…

In May 2151, after years of struggle, finally, Jon’s dream was within reach. He was the Captain of _Enterprise,_ Earth’s first Warp 5 ship. He'd shaken several Admirals' hands, heart swelling as he'd struggled to concentrate on what they were saying. His mind had been stuffed full of all the millions of tasks needing to be completed within the year before the launch. He couldn't wait to get his teeth into it, to start making his mark, to lead a crew into the great unknown. There was only one problem. Erika. He’d thought long and hard about what he’d decide if he got the Captaincy, but it was still difficult to get the words out. She didn’t take it lying down, which is what he expected. Her anger was justified; they’d been together a long time and they'd had a number of conversations about what would happen if Jon was chosen. He'd neglected to mention his intentions previously. In the end, Jon's persistence won and despite her heartbreak, Erika understood his decision, remarked that she might have made the same one, had it been her. After it was done, he joined the celebrations at the 602 with a heavy heart, trying to enjoy the jubilation and hide his regret. Trip saw through him but didn’t call him out on it until the party started to wind down. Jon was grateful and although it was a strange role reversal, Trip turned out to be quite good at taking care of him.

Like the good friend he was, Trip kept Jon company as he got drunk that night. Or, even drunker. They ended up in Jon’s apartment, sitting on the floor against the couch, three bottles of liquor on the coffee table: Jon’s good bourbon, the obligatory bottle of vodka and a smaller bottle of tequila he couldn’t remember buying. Trip took another sip of bourbon before saying slowly.

“You know the regs technically don’t prohibit fraternising-” Jon was already shaking his head, saying insistently.

“No, but Starfleet Command takes things like that into consideration…” He sighed, wishing that the collar of Captainship didn’t feel so tight already, “…and if I’m going to be Captain of a 5-year voyage, a relationship with Erika just isn’t… practical.” Trip raised an eyebrow but only suggested.

“You could try to get her as Science Officer.” Jon didn’t want to admit fantasising about sneaking quickies in various places on the ship so he just said.

“No, she’s in line for her own ship one day... A clean break would be better for everyone.”

“If you’re so sure.” Ignoring his friend’s disbelieving tone, Jon answered seriously.

“I am.” Then he sighed again, looking into his almost-empty glass. “Still miss her though.” Trip pressed his lips together and nodded vaguely. Jon was warming to his topic, his vision slightly fuzzy as he reminisced. “Her hair is so soft and her skin… oh God, those legs.” He was taking another sip of his drink when he saw his friend’s face in a grimace.

“Yeah…She’s great.” Jon almost laughed and said before he could think about it.

“You never liked her.” Trip shrugged.

“That’s not…she’s great.” Jon snorted at Trip’s terrible attempt to hide his ambivalence concerning Erika. He accused playfully.

“You’ve never liked anyone I dated.” Trip tilted his head back in thought and then said triumphantly.

“I didn’t mind Sarah, she was okay.” Jon frowned; surely it wasn’t a coincidence that Trip had named the girlfriend Jon had been seeing the same time that Trip had also been in a relationship? Suddenly he was asking.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” At his friend’s questioning glance, he explained. “About the guy you dated for a year. I had to find out from someone else.” Trip winced and Jon snorted again before taking a sip of Bourbon. Avoiding Jon’s gaze, Trip murmured.

“I don’t want to talk about…all that with you.” Jon blinked.

“Why not?” Brows creased, Trip looked like he was about to change the subject. Jon took their glasses and put them on the coffee table, and insisted. “Why?” Sighing, Trip turned and looked Jon in the eye. His expression a mixture of discomfort and sadness. Suddenly, the answer was obvious. Jon’s mind started whirring.

He’d decided long ago to keep their relationship friendly to avoid Trip hurting himself to please Jon but surely... They were both adults here and Trip had shown interest in, even love for, someone else since that diving trip. He didn’t want to make things awkward between them but surely they knew each other well enough to avoid any misunderstandings. Jon’s heart ached, head reeling with memories of Erika, haunting him, mocking him. He stared back at his friend. Maybe just tonight… He didn’t have to be alone tonight. He blinked, cataloguing the face he knew so well, taking in the honey coloured strands of hair, tanned, almost glowing skin, the nose he would not admit to anyone thinking was cute and those lips… How had not noticed how full, how enticing they looked? Trip noticed the change in Jon’s expression and he frowned a little. They stared at each other for a while, Trip’s gaze turning serious as he realised Jon’s intent. Jon’s question.

“Jon-” He was cut off as Jon leaned forward and kissed him. The room swam slightly so Jon closed his eyes and revelled in the tingling feeling from their lips meeting. Everything seemed to hang frozen. Then, Trip moaned and slid a hand into Jon’s hair, opening his mouth as Jon followed suit. Soon they were kissing deeply, lips firm and insistent, fingers gripping each other, pulling themselves closer together until Trip was actually straddling Jon, their hard cocks pressing together through layers of fabric. At one point, Trip began sucking on Jon’s tongue and Jon shivered, his nerve endings lighting up all the way down to his toes. Blindly, he pulled at Trip’s shirt, untucking it from his pants and lifting it up unevenly. They pulled away slightly so Jon could tug it off over Trip’s head, but after he’d chucked it somewhere, he turned back to see Trip blinking at him.

“Jon.” He said, in a tone Jon didn’t like. Running his hands up Trip’s warm, smooth back and enjoying how that made Trip’s eyelids flutter, Jon leaned in again mouthing at Trip’s neck. Trip sighed happily, but put his hands on Jon’s shoulders, pushing him back slightly.

“Wait. This is… a bad idea.” Jon let himself be pushed, but didn’t loosen his grip.

“I thought you’d want to.” Trip’s eyes were wide and his pupils dilated, his cock still pressing eagerly against Jon’s. But he sounded sad as he whispered.

“Oh, I do…” Confused and getting a little frustrated, Jon’s fingers flexed on Trip’s hips as his friend whispered. “But we can’t.” Trying for levity, Jon slurred.

“I’ll respect you in the morning, I promise.” Eyes shining now, Trip took Jon’s face in his hands and said firmly.

“We can’t…because I’m in love with you.” It took a few seconds for Jon to process that properly. Trip’s eyes were so blue and wide. He looked so impossibly young and vulnerable and determined in that moment and Jon just stared, knowing that this image would stay with him forever. This was Trip, perhaps the truest version of the man he’d ever seen. He was so beautiful. He was…in love with him? Throat suddenly tight, he managed.

“I…I knew that.” Those blue eyes blinked, brow wrinkling, forcing Jon to concede. “Kinda, well. I mean. Oh boy.” Gaze sliding down to Jon’s collar bone, Trip croaked.

“You did?” He sounded so… young, uncertain, it broke Jon’s heart. Not sure what to do but knowing he had to do something, he took Trip’s hands down from his head and pulled his friend into a hug. Trip responded, tucking his head into the crook of Jon’s neck and holding on tight.

As he held his best friend, Jon tried to think back to all the times he’d actively noticed Trip looking at him, or pointedly avoiding looking at him when he’d been with Erika, trying to see the signs of his deeper feelings.

“It wasn’t…a complete surprise.” His friend shifted slightly in his arms but didn’t say anything. “I knew you…liked me, you know, in that way.” Having recovered some composure, Trip laughed a little wetly.

“Oh yeah? Who told you?” Feeling only slightly amused that his friend didn’t believe in his powers of observation, he confessed.

“AG.” Trip pulled back, his gaze suddenly hard. Jon felt the tension his frame and wariness crept into his consciousness.

“AG told you what?” Not sure what exactly Trip was reacting to, he answered carefully.

“He told me you had a thing for me.”

 “He what?!” Trip exploded angrily, startling Jon. “That asshole! He promised me he wouldn’t!” His friend leapt to his feet, walking around the coffee table and beginning to pace. “Goddammit! Son of a bitch! That was the whole reason I-” He cut himself off, shooting Jon a quick look before reaching for the bottle of tequila. He uncapped it and poured himself another drink. Jon suddenly felt very sober. He sat up.

“The whole reason you what?” Trip took a sip and said shortly.

“Nothing.” He glanced over quickly again and saw Jon still staring. “Forget I said anything.” But Jon felt wide awake and his stomach was roiling.

“Trip, did AG blackmail you into sleeping with him?” Trip’s head snapped around and he looked shocked. It took a beat for Jon to remember that he’d never confessed to knowing that. He definitely could have done it with a little more finesse. His friend went pale and his mouth opened a little wordlessly before he rasped.

“You knew…?” Shaking his head, he said in a clearly deliberate calm-tone. “No.” Jon opened his mouth but Trip cut him off before he could get any words out, pointing his finger unsteadily. “No.” Still not convinced that Trip had been entirely willing, Jon pressed him.

“Then why did you sleep with him?” Downing the rest of booze in his glass, Trip shrugged, unsuccessfully affecting nonchalance.

“None of your business.” Jon dismissed that, shaking his head.

“I never understood why you did. You’re right, he is an asshole. What the hell were you doing with him?” Angrily picking up the bottle again, Trip snapped.

“No! We are not doing this!”

“Goddammit Trip, look at me!” Trip began swaying, shifting his weight from foot to foot, taking a drink from the bottle and avoiding looking at Jon. Grimly, Jon pulled himself up and took the bottle, ignoring Trip’s half-hearted protest. Feeling sick, he said bluntly. “You just said that he promised he wouldn’t mention anything to me if you slept with him. That sounds like blackmail to me. That sounds like I should go and find him and rip-” Squeezing his eyes shut, Trip shook his head and said tightly.

“It wasn’t like that.”

“Then tell me what happened! Why in the hell would you…?” He couldn’t finish the question, just waving his arms in a suggestive manner. Trip snorted and answered petulantly.

“Because I just did.” Folding his arms in an effort to calm the rage burning inside him, Jon bit out.

“Very convincing.” Trip eyed him a little sullenly, before sighing heavily and collapsing back down on the couch, snagging the bottle of Tequila on the way. He held it up. “I am way too sober for this conversation.” He took a long pull and slowly, Jon sat next to him and waited, protesting when Trip went for another pull. Grimacing, Trip began haltingly.

“I was drunk… and I was lonely and I knew I would regret it before I even got in the taxi but I just…” Jon bit his tongue, letting him think for a moment and was rewarded by a quiet confession. “The truth is… I used the whole ‘secret’ thing as an excuse. Telling myself I was only…you know, because of that made me feel a lot less pathetic.” A little more reassured that he didn’t have to disembowel Robinson, Jon rasped.

“Why did you? What was the reason?” Looking into the middle distance, Trip muttered.

“No one had looked at me like that in a long time. You know how he can turn on the charm when he wants. It was…nice. To be wanted.” Keying in to the wistfulness in his friend’s tone, Jon let out a long breath and confessed.

“Yeah, I know.” He didn’t know how long they sat there in silence before Trip sat up a little and said, a shadow of humour in his voice.

“I can’t believe you knew about… and didn’t say anything.” Jon shrugged.

“Well, I didn’t want to make things awkward.” He felt so much better when Trip huffed at the irony of that statement. Now having calmed, he thought over his actions earlier. “Look, Trip. I’m sorry about just now. I should never have-” Trip waved a hand.

“It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not. I should never have tried to use your feelings like that.”

“You’re hurting and drunk and I’m… here.” He gulped, looking down at his hands in his lap. “Anyway, it’s not like anyone ever wants…” He trailed off, but Jon read the rest of the sentence in Trip’s face, his suddenly shining eyes. Jon’s heart broke and for a long moment, found himself astonished that he hadn’t seen this pain in his best friend. He tried to think of something not clichéd to say but in the end had to settle for:

“There is someone out there for you, I promise.” Trip sighed, he took another long pull before muttering.

“It’s okay Jon, some of us just aren’t husband-material.” Frowning, Jon demanded.

“Who the Hell said that?” Trip huffed and spat bitterly.

“ _You_ just did.” Jon was stunned and glancing at his expression, Trip snorted and leapt up from the coach suddenly, arms flailing. “You just whined for hours about dumping the woman of your dreams cos of your new responsibilities and then, what? In five minutes decide I’m your true love? Worth risking your place on _Enterprise_ for?” Feeling light-headed at Trip’s insinuation, Jon made to interrupt but Trip steamrolled on. “No, you just looked at me and saw what everyone else sees.” Jon stood too, heart shredding itself as Trip gasped, turning his face away to swipe at the tears that had spilled.

“God. I’m sorry Trip. I’m not thinking straight, no,” he chastised himself, “I was only thinking of myself. You deserve so much better than that. I’m truly, truly sorry.” Slowly, he took a step closer to his friend, who was still facing away, sniffing and hunching his shoulders, anger spent. Jon said softly. “You’re an incredible person and one day you’re going to meet someone who sees that, someone who’s worthy of you.”

“I did. I did meet them and I drove them away.” Finally looking back at Jon, Trip shrugged miserably. “Jamie.”

“The British guy?”

“He was Irish, an’ he…I think I could have loved him, an’ maybe he could have loved me. But I didn’t…I couldn’t…” Jon cleared his throat, deciding that his friend was owed some honesty.

“You know, I was really jealous when I met him.” Trip blinked, confused. Jon went on determinedly. “I could tell you two really cared about each other and…I was scared. Scared that now you’d found someone that made you happy, you wouldn’t need me anymore.” Trip looked like he was processing that. Jon gulped. “I’m a selfish man, Trip. I can’t tell you how ashamed I was, that I saw you happy with him and resented it.” Closing his eyes, Trip sobbed, hands coming up to cover his face. Jon started, a little alarmed, and tentatively moved in, taking his friend into his arms, Trip’s head to his chest. After a few minutes, Trip had recovered his breath enough to gasp.

“You were meant to be safe! I thought you only liked women, that you’d never want me, so you couldn’t…ever hurt me.” His voice broke and fresh tears welled up and Jon felt like the worst person in the world. Throat tight and filled with pins he rasped as sincerely as he could.

“I never, ever want to hurt you. I promise you I won’t ever make a move on you again. Ever.” Trip nodded once and said with absolute certainty.

“I know you won’t.” He tucked in even closer and Jon hugged him tighter, his own eyes burning. Breathing steadying again, Trip continued quietly. “Jamie was trying to help me. He knew I was broken and he was trying...but I wouldn’t let him and he left and I miss him." Letting out a small sob of his own, Jon took a deep breath and whispered fiercely right into Trip's ear.

“You are _not_ broken.” But Trip didn’t reply. Jon could feel him leaning more and more on Jon, so gently nudged him to his bed. Stripping off his pants and tucking him in, he helped his friend get comfortable, but shook him a little, determined to ensure his friend had something positive to carry him into sleep. Trip frowned sleepily but followed him as he said earnestly.

“I can’t claim to be an expert on love, God knows I haven’t figured it out yet.” Trip snorted softly and Jon consciously let the dig slip. He had more important things to say. “But I do have some great friends. I can’t describe how happy I am that you’re coming with me on _Enterprise_.” Now blinking rapidly, obviously having trouble focusing, Trip turned his head towards him. “I don’t know if I could do it without you.” His friend frowned and Jon insisted. “I’m serious.” Trip sniffed and a few tears fell as he nodded.

“It wouldn’t be right…anyone else. You’re the only one…” Gently, Jon wiped Trip’s cheeks and the look on his face... There it was…naked adoration. How had he missed this? How long had he missed this? How long could he have had this? _No_ , Jon told himself sternly, _you promised._ Just before Trip passed out he muttered.

“In another life.” Staggering now, Jon stripped off himself and clambered in beside his friend. They curled together and Jon fell asleep frowning.

…

In the morning, when he lied to Trip and said that Erika had been the one to have revealed Trip’s feelings for him, he told himself that it was for the best. There was no need to dig it all up again or make his friend even more embarrassed. He already felt bad enough about his actions the night before. Even drunk and mourning his break up with Erika, it was inexcusable to come on to Trip knowing his friend’s feelings for him. Though he hadn’t known exactly how deep they ran. He also couldn’t have known how badly Trip must have been hurt to feel like he couldn’t trust people with his heart. It made him feel even worse for his selfish reaction to Trip’s relationship with Jamie. So Jon was feeling like a piece of crap in general. For weeks afterwards, he carefully watched his friend for any indication that he remembered more of their conversation; if Trip did remember, he didn’t act differently or mention it, so Jon decided to leave it. He’d concluded himself that despite Trip’s regret over his break up with Jamie, the Irishman had indeed helped his friend. Jon was now relatively sure that had he proposed a sexual relationship with Trip during their first diving trip together, Trip would have accepted and it would have ended badly for both of them, possibly with the end of their friendship. But that night, Trip not only refused, but he’d been angry, he’d pointed out Jon’s self-serving motives and lack of respect for Trip’s wishes. He’d defended his honour and even if he still didn’t value himself as much as he should, he still had high enough self-esteem to stop them from making a big mistake. Whether he realised it or not, Trip had matured, grown wiser in the last few years. With that in mind, Jon started to pull away a little, more than aware that his urge to mother Trip was holding the young man back.

However, he did regret ducking out of Christmas with the Tucker’s. He only realised afterwards that it had been his last Christmas on Earth for a long while. Trip had been disappointed and upset by the decision, though he tried his best to hide it. Jon felt even worse a few weeks into January when he noticed that Trip had stopped calling him ‘Jon’ when they were off duty. He was ‘Cap’n’ now, on and off duty. It was fitting. It was for the best. It still hurt.

Trip was doing a great job as First Officer, just as Jon knew he would. Organising the completion of the ship’s construction and headhunting the crew, as well as completing the finishing touches in Engineering, Tucker moved like a whirlwind between the ship, Jupiter Station and Starfleet Command. He juggled all his roles with confidence and authority, only once or twice letting Jon see his exhaustion, usually whenever Jon requested a late night vid call for updates. Tucker had found a great selection of pilots, comm officers and science personnel for Jon to cherry pick as well as the most qualified Armoury Officer in the Fleet, who had experience both in weapons development and security detail on starships. This Lieutenant, he insisted Jon choose.

“He’s a full head and shoulders above the rest Jon, I don’t even want to show you the rest.” Jon had laughed, insisted they follow protocol and after reviewing the other files, agreed with his second in command.

And of course, the engineering team was also the best of the best, Tucker had even sweet talked a few crew members from other ships. The only sticking point was the medical officer; none of the candidates Trip had sourced felt like the right fit. He could tell that his First Officer was getting frustrated at his nit-picks, even though he never said as much whenever they reviewed the choices again. Most of their conversations now were about the ship and their mission. Occasionally, Trip would ask after Porthos or Jon would think to enquire after Trip’s family. Other than that, they were strictly business. One part of Jon was having the time of his life, seeing the ship and the crew coming together, feeling like the little boy who’d dreamed of travelling the stars, and it was a big part of him. Another small part whispered to him in the middle of the night that he’d lost his best friend to the mission.

Then all Hell had broken loose with Klang and _Enterprise_ was hurtling towards launch. Trusting Trip to ensure all the finer details, Jon recruited Phlox as CMO and flew to convince Ensign Sato to come early. He could do this. Jon could work with a Vulcan; he’d been on Vulcan ships before and had worked closely with some Vulcans on the Warp 5 project. Now all he had to do was survive a week with one second-guessing all his decisions and generally obstructing one of Humanity’s greatest achievements. It would be difficult he was sure, but he had Trip and he had his ship and her crew. He was ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And herein ends Jon's POV. Please let me know if you think any tags are missing or any feedback in general, all is welcome!  
> I'm working on a sequel to 'Engineer' but its still early stages so it will be a long time coming.  
> Thanks for reading!  
> :D


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